Ch. 18

Soundtrack for the day... well... we got a few with this one, just because I feel you should be subjected to the lovely tunes always rolling around in my head. And as usual you can click on the link or just by-pass if you don't want to be enlightened. LOL

First Up: The main song for this chapter is by Adele, a girl with a beautiful voice...it's not my favorite song of hers, but it fits the chapter perfectly and a cool tune... Adele - Chasing Pavements

Second Up: A song that would be found on Abby's IPod under her skating music... as a dorky musician this would be a tune i might have picked to do some interpretive dance movement to (it was a way to get yourself in tune with "music" yes, this is the music-geek in me) this is Kings of Leon - Closer

Third Up: I'm not always a huge fan of epic songs being covered... but when I heard this version I melted. Sarah Bareilles... another girl with an amazing voice and piano skills. Even though Peter Gabriel will forever hold this spot for this song, Sarah does a wicked job in holding down the fort... In Your Eyes

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I am right
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust, I know this is love
But, if I tell the world
I'll never say enough
'cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you

Adele – Chasing Pavements

Ch. 18

I didn’t want to awake the peaceful sleeping form in my passenger seat.  I would have sat in the car the rest of the night to watch that picture in hopes I could ingrain that perfect smile into my brain.  I expected her to make some comment about staring at her when she did wake up, but she just played all shy.  I don’t know what made me basically bare my soul in telling her that I really had a memorable time with her today, but I felt like I needed to, in hopes she would take me seriously.

Truthfully, I didn’t want the night to end and when she turned towards me, I knew right then I had to kiss her.  Her lips were soft against mine.  She surprised me by moving towards me instead of away and I took my chance at touching her face, something I had wanted to do since she fell asleep in my arms that night in my apartment.  I could have woken her up that night since she had fallen asleep long before I did, but like tonight, I wanted her in my arms.  We stumbled out of the elevator like a pair of drunks, intoxicated off of each other.

We both sobered up as we got to our respective doors and stood standing in the hallway, holding hands, each of us wondering what to do next.  I knew exactly what I wanted, but I didn’t want to push my luck.  It took all I had not to pout when she said, “Thanks for an awesome day, Kris.  I’ll see you when I get back from Toronto on Friday…”

“What time does your flight leave?” I asked, keeping her hand in mine for just a moment longer.

“I have to be at the airport by 10am.”

“I’ll be at practice by then…”

“Yeah.”

“Well have fun, maybe I’ll see you on Thursday since we’re up there playing against the Leafs,” I said, as it suddenly dawned on me.

She just nodded, leaned in and kissed my cheek before leaving me standing out in the hall until I heard her door lock.  I turned and walked into my own place, after closing the door I stopped, leaned backwards against the door and closed my eyes, reliving the kiss.

As soon as I opened the door I heard Kristy’s giggling coming from Patrick’s bedroom.  I had practically forgotten that he was going to be here tonight so we could fly out to Toronto together.  I giggled to myself, glad to hear that two people I cared greatly about were happy with each other.  I also giggled because I was totally feeling giddy after my kiss with Kris.  Giddy and confused at the same time of course. 

This totally made things even more complicated than before and even though I should have seen it coming, I was still thrown off by the whole turn of events.  So much for not falling for another hockey player.  But the problem was that Kris wasn’t just another hockey player.  He was someone who I had become good friends and someone who truly made me happy.  I had to admit that he had sped up the healing process 10-fold.  I had made more progress in the last 3 and a half weeks than I had in the two months I had been here in Philly, thanks in part to the time I had been spending with Kris.  It was way too easy to banter back and forth with him, something I always did before everything went haywire in my life.  Ugh, Abby, don’t forget he doesn’t even know who you really are…

And truthfully, what would be the big deal in telling him?  It’s not like Tyler, he’s not playing under my father anymore…

But you enjoy the fact that your relationship has grown with him not even thinking about the fact that my Dad is Brian Burke, a big-wig in the NHL.  You can actually stand and say that he is interested in you for you and not because of your family, is it really worth giving up that feeling right now?  You remember how bad it made things with Tyler and you, always wondering if he was staying with you because he really cared or because of your dad.  And then don’t forget about the string of guys you dated before him that thought because they dated you they might move up the hockey food-chain.  It is just easier this way.  If there’s a time that he needs to be told, then let it go until then.  Now is not the time.

The last time I looked at the clock was about 1am, 3 hours after I had crawled into bed.  My mind was racing a mile a minute, it reeled mainly around the kiss that Kris and I shared.  In fact, every now and then I found myself touching my lips because they began tingling just like they had in the elevator.  It wasn’t demanding yet in the same breath it wasn’t totally innocent.  Through that kiss it felt like he had staked a claim on a piece of me, showing that all the playful banter was turning into something more serious.

The next morning Kristy came into my room and woke me up by bouncing on my bed.

“Wake-ee Wake-ee Gabby Abby!” she squeaked as she bounced onto my bed.

“I had my alarm set, you know,” I grumbled at my best friend.

“But I’m definitely a lot cooler than that annoying ‘beep beep’ sound!” she giggled as I turned my head on my pillow to find her lying on her belly, like me and smiling.  “You aren’t excited to go home?”

At this question my lips curled up into a smile as I nodded my head.  “Yeah, I’m actually very excited.  I miss my family.”

“Well then get up so we can get you packed and you can tell me about your crazy weekend!” Kristy jumped off the bed, pulling at my blankets as she did.

First order of business was to tell her about the Jackson dilemma.

“Holy cow! No wonder he was all about those day dates!!!” she cried out as I rummaged through my closet.  “Well, did he ask you out again?”

“He did.”

“And?”

“I said I’d contact him when I got home from Toronto…”

“So you haven’t totally blown this off?”

“No, not yet…ugh, I just don’t know what to do Kristy.”

“Well, are you completely freaked out by the fact that he has a kid?”

“Yes and no.  I mean if things worked out I might have been a mom with my own baby right now,” I spoke honestly with Kristy already knew about my miscarriage.

I heard her sigh as if she was just as confused about the situation as I was.  “Well, if you want me to tell him you are done, just say the words…”

“No, you won’t need to do that.  I can handle it myself, whatever decision I make,” I smiled thankfully at her, glad that I had a friend who was there for me no matter what.

“Okie dokie,” she grinned.  “So, how was your day with Kris?”

I pushed my clothing down in my suitcase and looked up at her.

“Oh no.  I know that face.”

“What face?” I asked innocently.

“You’ve finally realized there might actually be something more than you originally thought.  I knew it!” she suddenly exclaimed.  “He’s obviously got it bad for you…I figured it wouldn’t take too much longer until you realized it for yourself.”

“But it goes against my rule.  The one thing I enjoy about my relationship with Jackson is the fact that it has nothing to do with hockey,” I said quietly.

“You can’t tell me that everything with Kris has to do with hockey,” Kristy said plainly.  “I mean, really Gabby, he doesn’t know that your dad is really your dad and he’s gotten to know the non-hockey side of you, am I right?”

She had a huge point.  “Totally,” I said, allowing different wheels to turn in my head.  “But I’m scared for when he does find out.  I’m so afraid things will change…”

“Well, did you sleep with him?”

“No!”

“Then you don’t need to tell him yet.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not like you’ve even said yes to dating him or anything, right?”

“Riiiiggghhhttt…” I said hesitantly.

“Then just let things go for now.  When you finally make up your mind then you can tell him,” she smiled brightly as if she solved the whole situation.  I smiled back, allowing her words sink in, making myself believe that she was right, mainly because I didn’t need the added stress of worrying on my mind right now.  “So is he a good kisser?” she prodded excitedly, sounding overly happy in the fact that I just might choose Kris.

“Too good,” I mused, mindlessly touching my lips once more.

Kris: Have a safe trip to Toronto.

Gabby: Thank you.  Good Luck against Edmonton tonight. I hope you guys get out of your funk.

Kris: Thanx, I hope so too because I just lost my drinking buddy for a couple nights…

Gabby: I’m sure you can manage without me.

Kris: I’m not sure I want to.

Gabby: Are you flirting with me?

Kris: Do you want me to be?

Gabby: You really aren’t that smooth, Versteeg.

Kris: I know, but I’m pretty sure you are falling for it anyway.

Gabby: Later Betty Crocker.

Kris: ttyl Snots.

Sleeping Monday night had basically been impossible.  All I could think about was her lips on mine and how her skin felt on my fingertips.  Never have I ever felt so much with just a kiss.  I was so wound tight that I ended up in the shower jerking off while just thinking about her moaning in my mouth when I deepened the kiss.  What I wouldn’t give to have her moaning here in the shower with me.

When I woke up Tuesday morning, I found my phone blinking with a message, I secretly hoped to find a message from her, but instead I found a message from Mitch.  “If you don’t ask that girl to marry you, then I’m laying claim on her.”  I just laughed and shook my head.  Only my brother could get away with saying something like that…and only my brother would be the one to notice I might have found someone worth keeping.  That was one thing with my brothers, we were very honest with each other when it came to choices of friends and even girlfriends.  Obviously Mitch and Bryce cared for Dawn, but there was more than once time Mitch would drop comments about how he didn’t think Dawn and I were meant to be together for the long haul.  Of course he’s my little brother, so why would I listen to him?

I couldn’t help but text her after I got out from practice.  For one I wanted to make sure our kiss didn’t officially scare her off, plus I just wanted to have some sort of contact with her, even if it was only a few words typed into a phone.  Needless to say I was feeling pretty good after she shot back with her normal smart-ass remarks.

The game against Edmonton on Tuesday night started out with the energy we had been seriously lacking on the last week.  However the rest of the game went downhill quickly.  Thank goodness our opponent wasn’t too much better on their game, so we were able to squeak away with a win.  Afterwards I went out with the guys for some drinks, so it kept my mind off of Gabby for a little longer.

By the time we left for Toronto Wednesday evening, I was going crazy knowing I would be in the same city as her and possibly had a chance of seeing her again.

What the hell is wrong with me?!

“Abby! Your hair!” my step-mom Jennifer cried as she gathered me in a tight hug.  “It’s awesome, but you look totally different!”

“That’s the whole point,” I laughed at her as I hugged her back.  Jennifer was one of my most favorite people in the world and I was absolutely okay with calling her my step-mom.  Even though she was paid to smile for the video cameras of TSN, she could always be found smiling after they were shut off.  There was definitely nothing fake about this woman and I was glad she found my Dad.

“How is the whole Operation Happy Abby going?” she asked, taking my hand and pulling me over to the kitchen table in their large kitchen.  It felt a little weird being back in the big home after living in a tiny apartment for the last several months.

I giggled, “So Dad told you the nickname?”

“Yeah, I liked it!”

“Well, I’d say things are going really well.”

“You look amazing, you look like yourself again,” Jennifer gushed.  “Patrick said you are seeing someone too?”

Of course Patrick would pass that information on to our step-mom the Burke social director expert.  Well I might as well come clean right off the bat, because knowing Jennifer, she’d figure it out right away anyway… “Well, which someone did he tell you about?” I smiled tight-lipped.

“Which someone?!  Oh no!”

“Oh yeah,” I grimaced.

“Well he told me about an English Doctor…”

“That’s Jackson.  He’s the guy that Kristy hooked me up with…he’s a complete sweetheart and Jennifer, let me tell you how beautiful he is,” I smiled as I pulled a picture I had secretly took of him in his rugby uniform during the game.

“Oh holy hell,” she breathed.  “That is one beautiful man.”

“Yeah.”

“But the way you speak of him tells me you aren’t 100% into him.”

“Eeehhh.”

“Who is the other man?”

I blushed as I looked down at my phone and flipped through it, finding a picture that Kris insisted the store clerk at Spencer’s take of us while we were still handcuffed together.  It actually turned out to be a funny picture now that I looked at it.  I had a non-amused look on my face as Kris beamed like a star on top of a Christmas tree with our handcuffed hands held up between us.  I set the phone on the table and flipped it around so that Jennifer could see.

“Kris Versteeg?!” she whispered in an excited sounding voice.  “No way!  Talk about fate.”

“Fate?” I asked, flipping through to find an actual nice picture of the two of us that Mitch had taken after the hockey game.  Kris had his arm around me so that I pulled in against him, making us look like a couple.  It was then I noticed that he wasn’t looking at the phone but that he was actually smiling and looking down at me.  A shiver suddenly went through my body.

“It’s fate because if your father wouldn’t have traded him to Philly, you wouldn’t have found each other.  Wow, look at that picture, you both look happy and look at him looking at you…” she said in a tone that women used when they saw something romantic.

Before she could dote on him even longer I continued with my dilemma.  “And then there is Tyler…”

Jennifer looked back up at me and her eyes went from happy to worried.  “Bozie?”

“Yeah, I had lunch with him and Boyce when they were in Philly last week; he wants to meet up with me tomorrow…”

“Are you going to?”

“I was planning on it,” I said as I found a stray string on my shirt to play with, unable to look back up at Jennifer mainly because I knew exactly the next words she was going to speak.

“I don’t think that would help in your Operation Happy Abby.”  I laughed nervously as I mindlessly flipped through some random pictures on my phone, allowing her to continue.  “I really love Tyler, he’s a great guy, but I think with everything you two went through, it’s just time to move on…” she said, placing her hand over mine to make sure I was listening.

I looked up and nodded my head slowly.  I knew this was the truth but it was so hard to hear.  “Well, I’m just going to go out with him for lunch.  He’s still my friend.”

“I can understand that.”

“Lunch does not mean that I will be hooking up with him,” I joked lightly.

“It doesn’t, but I know how easy it is to fall back into the comfortable zone with someone you had such an intense relationship with.”

I just sighed at this point, effectively putting an end to the conversation.

“I love coming to Toronto!” Jeff exclaimed broadly as we stepped off the plane.  “It’s good to be home.”  A bunch of Carter’s family and friends were coming to the game, since they lived in nearby London.

“This definitely was a fun town to play in,” I reminisced fondly.

“I’m fairly sure that playing in any Canadian city full-time is fun,” Giroux said.

“Except Edmonton…” Carcillo laughed.

“This is true…” someone else laughed along.

“It’s okay here if you don’t mind playing in the bubble,” I piped up.  “Not that Philly isn’t intense, but it’s 10 times worse here it seems.”

“Yeah, that’s what Lupul said, but he’s eating it up because he’s such an attention whore,” Richie chirped loudly into his phone as he was setting up a place to meet Joffrey for dinner after some ice time at the ACC.

It felt weird to walk into the ACC and head to the away-team locker room, something I had yet to experience in Chicago, since I hadn’t been with the Flyers when they played at the MadHouse earlier in the season.

“Versteeg!” I heard Shenn yelled down the hall.

“Hey man!” I stopped and turned around to greet the young defenseman.

“I just wanted to say sorry now for ramming you into the boards tomorrow night,” he grinned as I saw Boyce and Bozak strolling down the hall towards us.

“I totally look forward to it, Luke,” I laughed as we bumped fists.

“Steeeeeger,” Tyler drew out.

“Hey man.”

“Good to see you back in TO, too bad you’ll be wearing those ugly orange and black colors,” he chirped, also bumping fists with me.

“Hey, it’s like Halloween everyday now,” I laughed, remembering how much of a killer Halloween party the team had thrown in October.  “Well, I gotta get moving.  I’ll see you guys around,” I nodded as I turned around.

After they said their goodbyes I heard Tyler pipe up, “Oh, and Steeger?”

“Yeah?”

“Stay away from my girl, okay?”

I turned back to look, about to ask him what he was talking about, but he had already ducked into their locker room and was nowhere to be found.  His girl? Who the hell is he talking about?

“I kind of had a feeling I’d find you here when your dad said you were in the building,” Tyler mused as he found me gliding around on the ice.  He had scared me a little because I had my IPod in and had already drifted into my own world when he placed his hands on my hips.  He popped out one of my ear buds and put it in his own ear as he skated behind me.  I smiled, remembering the many times we had done this over the year and a half we had been together.  He used to joke that he was my figure skating partner, but the only move he had perfected was the skating behind me without stepping on me.  “Ooo, some Kings of Leon,” he smiled, stepping into sync with me and the funky beat of Closer.

“Sssh,” I hushed him, wanting to get back to my zone.  He obliged, skating behind me for a bit and then moving to my side, taking my hand.  When Sarah Bareilles’ version of In Your Eyes came on he stopped me stood so that he was facing in front of me, pulling him against him so that we could dance to the song that had once been ours.  Damn you IPod for having to pick this song at this time.

“I still listen to this on occasion,” he admitted quietly while looking down into my eyes.

“Obviously I do too,” I said with a shy smile, allowing my eyes to connect with his. 

“I’m so glad you are here,” he continued.

“Well, I didn’t really have much of a choice…” I attempted to fluff it off.

“When are you going to move back here?  I’m tired of you being so far away…”

“I’m fairly sure you’ve been keeping yourself occupied and I’m starting school in the fall,” I spoke honestly.

“Exactly, which means you should come back here and be with me until then,” he said with emotion, completely ignoring the jab on keeping himself occupied with other women.  I wasn’t stupid and his silence was only a confirmation.  “I still love you.”  It was at this I realized we had stopped moving.  He cupped my cheek and soon he was kissing me.  All the crazy emotions flowed between us, pictures of what we had shared together raced through my mind.  He pulled me tightly against him, reminding me of what I had been missing in his arms.  When I finally got the strength to push back away from him, I was left in a total state of confusion.

“You know what you do to me…” I complained breathlessly.  “Kissing me is not fair.”

“Why not?”

“Because you know that I am totally unable to think when you do that.”

“Remember that first night after the Marlies game?  The night we first made love?” he asked wrapping an arm around me again as he pushed a piece of hair behind my ear.  The look in his liquid chocolate eyes was completely ravaging and I instantly knew I was not getting out of this alive.  I just nodded, trying my darn-dest not to look at him.  “I still think about it,” he continued

“That was a long time ago now…”

“But we were happy together.”

“We were.”

“We can be that way again.”

“I’m kind of seeing someone else,” I choked, totally unsure of where the words came from.

Instantly I saw pain and jealousy flow through his eyes.  “Who?”

“I can’t say.”

“You are seeing one of the Flyers?” he asked through his teeth.

“Please Tyler, don’t be upset, believe me, I did not expect this to happen.”

“Who is it?”

“I’m not saying.”

“The least you could do is be honest with me…”

“Kris.”

“Versteeg?”

I just nodded my head slowly up and down.

“Does he know who you are?” Tyler raised an eyebrow at me.

This time I just shook my head back and forth.

“Heh,” he laughed ironically.

“Please doesn’t say anything to him.  I want to tell him on my own terms…this is still all very new, I’m not even sure if we are actually seeing each other or not…” I suddenly cried out as Tyler dropped his hands from me, leaving me out on the ice alone while the tears began streaming down my face.